Planning – Me

What is it about a proposal that makes you want to change who you are?
I was (mostly) happy with who I was and how I looked and my Other Half certainly was, hence the proposal – so why do I now find myself wanting to be thinner and to quit smoking?

Ok so the smoking part is easy. I was toying with the idea of quitting anyway and having the extra money to put towards the wedding has given me the push I needed. I happened to be in the building where the smoking clinic was being held at around the right time today, so I toddled in and signed myself up. Prescription ordered, quit date… sometime in the next couple of weeks.

But dieting? That has no sensible root that I can see. My OH loves me as I am, so I don’t need to do it for him, it’s purely so I will feel pretty in my dress!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big girl and for many health reasons, it’s a great idea, but not one of those reasons is why I find myself suddenly eating rabbit food and pondering how wise it would be to google yoga videos… I just wanna look pretty, damn it, and for some reason, my brain says that’s not possible at my current size!

Could it be media influence? I have inundated myself with pictures of models in dresses and not one of those was over a size 12, I have watched “Say yes to the dress” the plus size version (the name of which escapes me atm) and seen how different those brides look in their dresses to said models and I can’t help but wish (until now, secretly) that by the time my day comes, I look closer to the models than them!

It’s a crazy feeling! Why can’t I be a beautiful size 20 bride? (that’s, what? Size 22-24 US?) Why must my happiness be based on a dress size?

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