In a previous post, I mentioned being afraid of getting married and I wanted to explain that a little bit, because it’s not the norm for a bride to be….. especially one who’s documenting her process….
So, here’s the story.
I’ve been a depressive since I was a teenager and while it doesn’t directly bother me these days, growing into adulthood with it has left its mark. As a result, I am an overweight, socially awkward, self hating, control freak!
That’s over simplifying a bit… OK, a lot, but you get the idea.
So imagine that you hate being the centre of attention but you’re planning an event that throws you right into the spotlight. Everything that brings you closer to having it all planned out manages to excite and terrify you at the same time. The abstract stuff is easy…. what colours you like, which dress you’d want, who to invite… but the stuff that actually involves booking and paying makes your heart beat fast for a multitude of reasons!
The question I ask myself (and others have asked me) is why am I putting myself through it? The answer is easy enough… because I want to.
We could just elope or nip into the Registry Office and do it with no frills and fuss but I’d regret it in the future. As much as I’m scared to be stared at as I walk (or fall) down the aisle, or to open myself up to criticism on my choice of dress, I’m only going to do this once and I don’t want to let fear ruin it for me. Being afraid has already eaten enough of my life!
And so, despite my heart racing, or jumping into my throat every time a big piece falls into place, I’m going to do it.
I can’t wait to be Frazzled Wife….. I’m just scared to get married….
I didn’t do too much shopping around when it came to the wedding car. It wasn’t high on my list of priorities or even on my radar until Frazzled Groom said he wanted one and I didn’t really know what I was looking for.
So, when I got the rare chance to pin Frazzled Groom down to look at wedding stuff, I took advantage!
He pointed out several that fit in with the idea in his head, (including “The Mystery Bus” from Scooby Doo) from a variety of places and while I was very tempted to try the vintage white VW, we eventually picked the Beauford Tourer Stretched Limousine in Olde English White (picture below) from Theyorkshireweddingcarcompany.co.uk/
It ticked all the boxes. He liked it, it had a roof (November wedding, remember), it didn’t cost a bomb, it could fit all the bridesmaids in…. and it wasn’t the Mystery Bus!
Picking the car, however, wasn’t the hard part for me. The hard part was realising that this was the first thing I’d be spending money on that was exclusively wedding and only wedding! Although the Church is booked, I haven’t paid anything towards it yet and although the reception is booked, technically it’s just a deposit on a party…. There is nothing I’d need a wedding car for except for getting married!
But I filled in the booking form and paid my deposit… exchanging a few emails with the lovely people there…. and then it happened…..
They sent me an itinerary!!
You want to know how to make the heart of an anxious person jump up into their throat? You make the scariest day of their life seem more real than anyone else has been able to do! (See post Wedding Fear).
Girls grow up dreaming about their big day – don’t they?
Not this bride…..
I never sat and wondered what my day would be like, the dress, the setting, the cake. Truth be told, I’d never even imagined myself getting married! That was – until I got my ‘one’
I will call myself ‘Forgetful Friend’ long time buddy of the one and only Frazzled Bride. I can’t promise you my piece will be as gripping as hers (I’m a first timer) but here goes….
So, I met my partner in crime almost 5 years ago now on an online dating website – which is a miracle for me, because computers, the internet and everything in-between are not my forte. He introduced himself as Dan – the steam train driving lifeguard and here I am a (frumpy) single mum of two who had often panicked about who would want to take on my crazy little family – me, my son who was a threenager at the time and my 11 month old precious girl.
We met for drinks, then we met for food…. We danced, we laughed, he stayed over and eventually I bought him a toothbrush that never left. He met my kids, we met families, we took a holiday, his belongings slowly but surely made their way to my house…. Our house.
This was the real deal and I began to think that I would be asking him to move his shoes and put his socks in the wash for the rest of our days.
A year or so in, I was his plus one at his big sisters wedding. I cried.
2 years in, he was my plus one at my best friends wedding. Of course, I cried.
I began to wonder if we would marry. I’d never considered marriage before – after all it was just a piece of paper…..wasn’t it?
3 years in, it was his little sisters turn, she had asked me to be a bridesmaid for her and to me it felt like I had been accepted as a fully fledged member of ‘his family’ Naturally, I cried. But this time it wasn’t just tears of happiness, I was happy for her – but now I knew for sure I wanted this for myself and oh boy did I make it known!
I pestered him for what seemed like a life time, dropping the most unsubtle hints. Then, I saw an ad online for a wedding fair at a local hotel…. Without asking him I booked us on it. I told him that evening & he smiled subtly and agreed we should check it out. That was September the 5th.
He proposed on the 9th of September along with the words ‘don’t tell my aunties – they’ll think they’ve won’ Of course, I text the aunties immediately.
So… We were getting married. When? Where? What did I want? What did he want? He is painfully shy, he wanted us to elope. We looked at it, but his family is huge & so close, they would never forgive us! So, a small ceremony – close to home. We agreed. We set a date – December 2nd 2017 was to be our wedding day.
We were thrown into the bizarre and exciting world of wedding planning – and within weeks we had booked the venue, chosen our wedding party, bought my dress, chosen & bought the centre pieces, booked the band, written the guest list. Surely it couldn’t be this easy? In the months that followed I found myself buying and making as I went along. It got to around September 2017 and panic set in – have I booked everything? Will auntie who enjoys a drink mind sitting across the table from shy old school friend? Do the centre pieces match the bunting? Can cousin with strong prescription glasses read the fine print on the table plan?
Now, I like to think of myself as a laid back woman but there is something about the enormity of wedding planning that consumes every fibre of your being in the latter stages….. By mid November calm, relaxed Forgetful Friend was no more – she was long gone. In her place a woman who demanded consistency, RSVP’s and for the love of god an answer to my text about a vegetarian meal! The late night hand stamping of table place settings and the nightmares take over your life. As the day drew closer, I turned into the monster I feared I would become.
The night before the wedding, I stayed at the venue with 3 of my 4 bridesmaids (my lovely maid of honours little boy had minor surgery the day before the wedding!) We were to dress the venue ourselves – we had a couple of drinks, ate, then headed to the ceremony room to dress it. Except, there had been a function there that day and the room hadn’t been set up for the wedding. Panic set in and I turned into a gibbering mess. The wedding coordinator at the venue reassured me that she and her team would set it up for us…. But I’d spent over a year planning this, thinking about where each bit of decoration would be placed – I was in full blown melt down by now. There was nothing I could do about it, by this time it was around 10pm and I needed to go to bed.
I barely slept, then snuck down to the ceremony room, believing I would be rearranging everything they had laid out the night before, at 6am.
It was absolutely perfect!
The whole day was perfect!
I can assure you that every little thing you’ve spend time worrying about is completely insignificant on the day. I spent the day on cloud 9. It’s a feeling like no other. When I was planning, former brides told me the very same, but I still worried more than I ever anticipated I would. It’s such a long process & the build up is intense. But take it from me, it’s a day you will want to relive over and over again.
I’ve been talking to a friend of mine about her wedding planning experience and after a little badgering, I got her to agree to write a bit of her story for you guys to read, because, well, who doesn’t like a good love story?
She may not get it finished, she has a rather hectic life, but I’ve read the first part and I hope she does because it’s a great read!
So on that note, I’m opening it up to others too.
Would you like your story publishing on the blog? I’m looking for love stories, wedding planning anecdotes, wedding disasters… anything you want to share that’s wedding related….. even if the wedding never came to pass.
You will get full writing credit (unless you ask for anonymity) and a link to your own blog if you like.
Email your posts to Emmyeagles83@googlemail.com (will delete the email address after a while to stop spam mail)
Edit: Don’t worry, I’m not running out of content, I just wanted to expand the experience
One of my plans is to use lanterns on the tables (with LED candles, not tea lights) and I’ve had the ones from IKEA down as being THE lanterns for about a year, it’s even planned in my diary for April to go buy them….. but a quick message from Frazzled Bridesmaid changed all that!
She pointed out that since Christmas is over and done with, Valentines stock is now well and truly in our faces and a shop near me is selling small lanterns. They are the same colour as the ones I wanted, but they are smaller, leaving more space on the tables, and they have little hearts on them, which ties in with the theme. (Pictures below)
I went there this afternoon and bought all they had….. it isn’t enough!
I am now the proud owner of 12 small white lantern/candle holders… I need 13…. The staff assured me that because it’s new stock, they WILL get more in, but it was still a gamble. Might go to another branch and see if they have any, I don’t like the uncertainty of almost having them all.
While I like the Ikea ones, I think the new ones are small and sweet and will fit in with the wedding much better. They were about £1.50 cheaper each and because they’re not something that’s sold year round, they should be resell-able after we’re done with them.
I was feeling rather confident going into this mornings visit with Frazzled Bridesmaid and came out realising I was much less organised than I thought I was!
Questions like “when are you going ring shopping?”, “when are you buying your lanterns?” and “what are we doing for the Hen Do?” are all basic questions….. and I’d forgotten to plan in all of them! Ooooooops!!
It’s not like I didn’t know I needed them, just hadn’t thought to plan them….
I feel better though, I’ve added 11 items to my To-Do-Calendar and have a list of half a dozen things that I need to do but cant put a date to yet.
I’m also getting nervous…. this S**t just got REAL! I’m actually getting married this year! To calm myself, I remind myself that it’s not too late to go to Vegas!
Next steps – I need to check holiday availability for Frazzled Mother and Groom so I can get the Hen Do booked, oh and I need to invite people to it too. Once that’s done, I can share the details with you guys.
I’m not sending out save the dates, it seems like a waste of money. Instead, I’m sending the invites out a little earlier than recommended. This means I need to get my a** in gear and actually pick a style! To make things more complicated (but cheaper), I’m making my own, so it’s not just a case of looking at what’s available and coughing up the cash. I have to design and then figure out how to make them!
So, I’ve been drawing. Don’t get me wrong, we aren’t talking #insert famous painter name here# quality artwork which I’m sending out to my friends and family… I mean I’ve been doodling design ideas – I have a Big Shot machine to actually make the blessed things! – but the scope is HUGE! I am literally only limited by my imagination and patience (and money).
I’m left with the worrying question, what do I want? (Yes I realise that should probably read “what do WE want?” but Frazzled Groom is happy to let me get on with the details as long as I check in with him once in a while) And I’m not sure I know the answer.
Looking at pictures on google (always a mistake), I’ve fallen in love with the laser cut envelopes, but the machine to make them is silly money, so doing them myself is outta the question. That leaves me with simpler ideas.
As I said, I’ve sketched a couple of possibilities. I think the next step is to make a mock up of each one and see how they actually look. Might even post pictures!